#10

I Need to Stop

 

If I don’t kill myself for this

It’s because of you

The radio is blaring

And I can’t hear myself screaming

Your ring is still on my hand

And it will stay there

You’re still on my mind

And you always will be

No matter what happens

But I fucked up this time

It’s my fault

It always is

Every time I’m happy, I fuck it up

I’ve stopped… for now

For you

You don’t have to tell me how sad it made you

I could see it in the way you looked at me

It was an empty, emotionless look

I want to be able to stop, but I need your help

Can you help me?

You’re the only one who can make me stop

I haven’t asked you for much

This is one thing I want, no need, you to do

I just want to get rid of all my pain

Throw it all away forever

Baby, can you help me?

 

11-29-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#9

Did You Know…

 

I can’t breathe without you

You’re always on my mind

I fall asleep thinking about you

You’re the reason life’s worth living

I love you more than anything in the world

You’re the reason I’m safe

I quit so much for you

You’re my baby

I hate being away from you, even for a second

You’re the person that can make me laugh when I want to break down and die

I live for those end of the day hugs and kisses

You’re the person I want to be with

I feel so lost and empty when we fight

You’re the reason I write this

I was so lost and confused before we became us

You’re the other half of me

I need you now more than ever

You’re the way I escape from the rest of this thing they call life

I would die for you

You’re the reason I’m still breathing

I put the knife down for you

You’re why I put down those pills

I stopped for you

You’re m sweetie

I need all of you in my heart

You’re why I didn’t go with Kaylee that day

I don’t want to give you up for anything

You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me

I need to be with you

You’re in my heart

I hope you won’t rip it out and rip it up

You’re my security blanket

I just don’t want to get hurt again

You’re not going to hurt me, are you?

Please don’t hurt me

If you really love me, you won’t hurt me

Do you really love me?

Tell me

 

11-16-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#8

Make It End

 

As I lay here alone in my bed

I think of all the things you’ve said

The pills won’t work, I’ve tried

Sometimes I’ve just wished I’d die

I’ve cut until I won’t bleed anymore

I have this feeling in my core

You’re gonna leave me

I think you want to be free

There aren’t any guns that I could use

Nothing can cover up this bruise

They won’t go away, the voices in my head

They tell me that you wish I was dead

I want it all to end

But then I think of my friends

Would they miss me

Or would they be filled with glee?

Then I think about you

What would you do?

 

11-15-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#7

Friends or More?

 

I open my eyes and you’re not there

You were by my side a second ago

I look down the hall and see you

You’re tall, blonde, and one of the two good things on my life anymore

But I haven’t heard the three words that make my world go round

Why are you not letting yourself love me?

Are you afraid of being hurt? Me too.

Why won’t you love me?

I’m the one that gave you your first kiss

I was hoping it would only get better

We’re back where we were before

We’re acting more like friends

I want what we had before the football game back

We acted like we were together

I’m not the only one who thinks we act like friends

I’m not mad, I just want more for us

We almost have two months

I’m up for anything at this point

Come get some!

If the only way to be with you is in my dreams, I want to sleep forever

Just don’t hurt me

 

11-15-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#6

With You Forever

 

Remember when I said I’d be here forever?

Well, look over your shoulder

See that sparkle?

That’s me

I might me dead, but I’m still here

I promised to never leave you and I won’t

You might feel lonely but I’m still with you

I know you can’t breathe without me baby

So don’t

End your own life

Make everything go away

Everything but us would end

We would be together forever

Just know that when you do die, ill be here… waiting

I’ll be right where I said I’d be forever

I’ll be standing next to you when you pull the trigger, pick up that blade, pop those pills… whatever

When I said I’d be here with you forever

I meant it

 

11-14-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#5

Life Without Us

 

What would life be without you?

Life would be empty and pointless

Without you, I stop breathing

I stop living, trying, caring

Life would crash right in front of me

My world would end

Each time we fight, my heart breaks and I can’t pick up the pieces

The whole thing is never back like it was before

There is always that one shard missing

My soul was like that before I met you

There was this tiny shard missing

A part that is only there when you find someone…

Someone like you

A person that can catch all your tears and get rid of all your fears, make you feel whole again

That special someone that can make almost anything and everything better

But sometimes, you’re part of the problem

Even in the smallest possible way, you’re why I’m crying

Sitting in the dark, thinking things I really shouldn’t be, wanting to die, crying, all because you haven’t said the three words I love t hear on your lips

The lips that haven’t touched mine in what seems like years

Why?

 

11-10-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#4

Nothing Left Now

 

I have to tell you thins thing that’s been on my mind

And I thought you weren’t that kind

But you did that thing and it hurt

All cuz of her mini skirt?

Why is it you won’t let yourself love me?

You know that we’re perfect for each other and that scares you

Down to every last kiss, you’re my baby

Tell me baby, why do you always leave without saying goodbye?

I haven’t heard an I love you in a while

Are you afraid to love me?

Why would you be afraid of something so obvious?

You see, I haven’t felt the way I do in quite a while

I love the feeling I get when we touch

Even the slightest little touch gives me chills

I like that feeling

It shows me that I really do love you

You might not get it yet, but I hope you will soon

You see, I would go insane if anything ever happened to you… to us

You’re part of me, my reason for living, my last handle hold on “life”

If you’re gone, what’s the point? I have nothing left to live for

So I won’t

That’s how I felt then

But not anymore

I do miss you and want you back

But you aren’t the only thing I think about…

Anymore

 

11-9-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#3

What I Want

 

If you could do it all over again

Would you?

I know I would

Not a second would have to go by before I knew that

I liked how we were

How could we find what we had in other people?

We couldn’t

I want you back

You want me back… I think

We need each other

For now

Forever

 

6-24-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#2

The Story of My Life

 

What’s love?

That feeling you get when he holds you hand?

The ways he looks into your eyes?

That first kiss on the cheek?

They way he hugs you goodbye at the end of the day?

When he calls you five times a day?

That one month mark on the calendar?

The broken heart he leaves you with?

The way you cry for him every night?

That he said he loved you?

When he asks you back out?

When you say yes?

The way he never wants to talk to you after you break up?

The way his friend asks you out?

When you say yes?

The way the whole thing starts back over again?

Is that love?

No

That’s the circle of heartbreak

Live it

Learn it

Deal with it

Why do you still love him?

You’ll never know

 

6-20-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#1

Do We Really Know Anything?

 

I knew you for a little while

I don’t think I really knew you

I know you didn’t know me

But we thought we knew each other

We laughed, we cried, we kissed

What happened to the guy I thought I knew?

Christmas was hard

For both of us

I’m still really sorry

Summer will be harder

I hope you’re still the guy I fell for

On that summer afternoon

In the blue waters of that pool

I tried not to cry for you

That didn’t work

I tried to laugh

That didn’t help either; it made me cry more

Whatever happens, happens

No take-backs

No broken hearts

At least I hope not

I won’t cry till I see you

I miss you

Always

Forever

 

6-18-04

 

© Anzu Ski