#10

I Need to Stop

 

If I don’t kill myself for this

It’s because of you

The radio is blaring

And I can’t hear myself screaming

Your ring is still on my hand

And it will stay there

You’re still on my mind

And you always will be

No matter what happens

But I fucked up this time

It’s my fault

It always is

Every time I’m happy, I fuck it up

I’ve stopped… for now

For you

You don’t have to tell me how sad it made you

I could see it in the way you looked at me

It was an empty, emotionless look

I want to be able to stop, but I need your help

Can you help me?

You’re the only one who can make me stop

I haven’t asked you for much

This is one thing I want, no need, you to do

I just want to get rid of all my pain

Throw it all away forever

Baby, can you help me?

 

11-29-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#8

Make It End

 

As I lay here alone in my bed

I think of all the things you’ve said

The pills won’t work, I’ve tried

Sometimes I’ve just wished I’d die

I’ve cut until I won’t bleed anymore

I have this feeling in my core

You’re gonna leave me

I think you want to be free

There aren’t any guns that I could use

Nothing can cover up this bruise

They won’t go away, the voices in my head

They tell me that you wish I was dead

I want it all to end

But then I think of my friends

Would they miss me

Or would they be filled with glee?

Then I think about you

What would you do?

 

11-15-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#6

With You Forever

 

Remember when I said I’d be here forever?

Well, look over your shoulder

See that sparkle?

That’s me

I might me dead, but I’m still here

I promised to never leave you and I won’t

You might feel lonely but I’m still with you

I know you can’t breathe without me baby

So don’t

End your own life

Make everything go away

Everything but us would end

We would be together forever

Just know that when you do die, ill be here… waiting

I’ll be right where I said I’d be forever

I’ll be standing next to you when you pull the trigger, pick up that blade, pop those pills… whatever

When I said I’d be here with you forever

I meant it

 

11-14-04

 

© Anzu Ski