#107

Set Sail

Waiting on a dock for those who haven’t come back

Hoping to find the love we all lack

They’ve all been gone for so long

And we’ve all been trying to stay strong

The boat comes in and the men and women step down

No one gathered makes a sound

Some have come home

But many families are left standing alone

Loved ones gone never to return

Silent tears fall down, and throats burn

Hopes that were high crash to the ground

They’re gone, never to be found

Flowers are thrown into the sea

And cries of loss and anger are set free

So much sadness in one place

Tears soak mothers’, fathers’, wives’, husbands’, children’s faces

We know we have to move on without

Without the people who left on that ship but never came back out

The ship took them away but never brought them back

So we’re left standing on that dock trying to get our lives on track

 

5-29-06

 

© Anzu Ski

#106

Not Again

 

I see you pull your hand back

I try to cover my face, prepare for impact

It doesn’t do much to stop the pain

The bruises still remain

I’ve come to expect it

I know I’m going to be hit

It’s not like I can stop you

What can I do?

I mean, afterwards, I can cry

But the tears, all too soon, dry

I need something more

Like walking out the door

You can’t keep me here

I won’t live in fear

So I’m leaving, no longer doing your bidding

But I can’t leave, who am I kidding

Nowhere to go but up to my room

I’ve sealed my fate, maybe my tomb

 

5-8-06

 

© Anzu Ski 

#100

Don’t Make Me Cry

 

If you really loved me then why

Why was it that you made me cry

You made me hurt like never before

And tossed me away when you got bored

Did you ever really care about us

There are so many things I wanna discuss

I cried so much and still do

And it’s all because of you

You hurt me deep inside

And you never told me why

Love hurts when it’s gone

And hearts ache when they’re wronged

 

3-12-06

 

© Anzu Ski

#91

Leaving

 

I wanna leave this place never to return

Never look back, just let it burn

Let it alone, let it be, try to forget

All the things we sad we’d never regret

Remember the faces, forget the times and the names

Forget the time we sat in the rain

Remember the pain, forget the rest

I dot want to, it was the best

But the pain and the agony, how can I forgive

But of course I’ll find some way to live

I must, that’s what I do

That’s what I learned to do after you

You didn’t end my world, although you tried

You made me wish I would die

Not from you leaving me

But from you hitting me

I thought it was my fault so I stayed

But it was my trust and feelings you betrayed

You said you cared

But would then leave me unable to be repaired

Well, guess what, f*** you and all you stand for

Since I left you, I’ve found so much better

Then I can’t help but think, did I ever need you anyway?

So then, why did I stay?

 

11-15-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#90

Statistic

 

There’s a girl at home

Afraid to be alone

How could he do that to her?

Forget what they were

If you care for someone, you don’t hurt then like that

Show me who he is and I’ll beat him with a bat

You don’t f*** with my friends

That’s a rule that doesn’t bend

I don’t know if she’ll ever be the same

And you’re the only one to blame

Hurting her like she’s invisible

Now I’m not sure her life’s livable

So thanks for screwing it all up for her

Now she’s living life in a blur

She’s just another statistic now

 

11-10-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#86

My Turn to Lose It All

 

Not gonna lost t all over you

But then, what do I do?

Wait for you to come back?

Wait till we get out lives on track?

I let you break my heart

I guess I’m really not that smart

But I do care for you a lot

And I’d like another shot

But I need to fix myself first

Of all my problems, that’s the worst

I never wanted you to go

There were so many things you should’ve known

I don’t know what I’m waiting for

But I can’t be so strong anymore

It’s my turn to break down and cry

My turn to want to just die

 

7-24-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#85

I Never Meant To

 

I never meant to be so distant and hard

For this kind of thing there’s no Hallmark card

Never meant to hurt you like this

Never wanted to see you this pissed

Sorry for all the pain

Look outside, it’s starting to rain

The rain falls like the tears on my face

My heart once again begins to race

This is hurting me as much as you

For this, I don’t know what to do

But I never meant to be so cold or so uncaring

So, how are you faring?

 

7-17-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#77

In My Own Backyard

 

All of it wasted- the blood, sweat and tears

I’ve got nothing left to fear

If any of you are listening, stop now

If you began reading this, I’m not sure how

This is about to say how nothing matters anymore

Everything I do or don’t starts a war

So, what’s the point in even trying

When inside, I’m bleeding and dying

I’ve hurt all that I love and care about

So all I can do now is to shout

Death is starting to look really good

But so many don’t think I should

They say they love me and would miss me

5 minutes ago you said you hated me, how can this be

These scars will never fully heal

And I don’t know how to feel

Alive or dead?

Live and tear my skin to shreds?

Die and let all the pain be gone?

I’m not sure to which my heart will belong

Death will take me eventually so why wait? 

Especially when I’m so full of self-hate

I hate this life

So if you love me, hand me my knife

I won’t end it all

Just watch as the blood begins to fall

I may have tears in my eyes

But watch as my hate begins to die

The self mutilation makes me feel better

See how the blood slowly gets redder?

Then pack it with salt, feel it burn, watch it bleed

Now do you all understand my need? 

Check in, go ahead and try

That will just ensure that I die

If you must, go ahead, give it your all

Give me the phone and I’ll make the call

Call the hospital, the morgue, the national guard

I really don’t care cuz I’ll be dead in my own backyard

 

6-7-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#76

Pain

 

I’m so sick of the fight

And crying myself to sleep every night

None of you understand just how I feel

And none of you think my problems are real

Well, I’m blowing off some stream and taking this chance to run

Maybe, just this once, I’ll get to have just a little bit of fun

But none of you see how stressed I’ve been lately

Maybe I’ll just kill myself, just maybe

Let the rest of the world just go past

And be gone with one bloody blast

Or maybe just make myself suffer

Use the salt and the blade, there’s no other

But I made a promise and I’ll try to keep it

Maybe just a few drops of blood, just a little bit

He’d never know what I did

If the scars always were hid

No, I can’t let myself go that far

Not far enough to leave another scar

Why do I need the blade anyway?

I’ve caused myself enough pain in the last couple of days

 

6-6-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#72

Dead and Crying Inside

 

If there is more to this than I can see

Can you please be a man and tell me

Let me know

Before I let you go

So many things could have gone wrong

So I sit here and cry listening to another sad song

There I go again

Wanting love but it’s only pretend

It never lasts

Well love can kiss my ass

I’m done trying

And sick of all that’s inside me dying

All because I pushed too hard

Well I’m tired of being left so scarred

So I’m just giving up on this life

Its’ fill of turmoil and strife

Nothing good

If I could end it all, I would

But I don’t have the power

So I just sit here crying hour after hour

 

5-6-05

 

© Anzu Ski