#10

I Need to Stop

 

If I don’t kill myself for this

It’s because of you

The radio is blaring

And I can’t hear myself screaming

Your ring is still on my hand

And it will stay there

You’re still on my mind

And you always will be

No matter what happens

But I fucked up this time

It’s my fault

It always is

Every time I’m happy, I fuck it up

I’ve stopped… for now

For you

You don’t have to tell me how sad it made you

I could see it in the way you looked at me

It was an empty, emotionless look

I want to be able to stop, but I need your help

Can you help me?

You’re the only one who can make me stop

I haven’t asked you for much

This is one thing I want, no need, you to do

I just want to get rid of all my pain

Throw it all away forever

Baby, can you help me?

 

11-29-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#8

Make It End

 

As I lay here alone in my bed

I think of all the things you’ve said

The pills won’t work, I’ve tried

Sometimes I’ve just wished I’d die

I’ve cut until I won’t bleed anymore

I have this feeling in my core

You’re gonna leave me

I think you want to be free

There aren’t any guns that I could use

Nothing can cover up this bruise

They won’t go away, the voices in my head

They tell me that you wish I was dead

I want it all to end

But then I think of my friends

Would they miss me

Or would they be filled with glee?

Then I think about you

What would you do?

 

11-15-04

 

© Anzu Ski