#84

Mistakes

 

I can’t eat anymore

I can’t sleep and my life’s become even more of a bore

No one’s perfect all the time

And the words don’t always rhyme

You’ll never know why I didn’t walk away

You told the truth and that’s ok

Mistakes can be made and forgiven

It’s just, now, I hope you’re still living

I hope you’re ok, but we need to talk

Why didn’t you tell me you were gonna take this kind of a walk?

Was it sudden or planned?

Was the fire between you and your dad fanned?

Talk to me when you get the chance and can get through

Because I can’t really see me without you

 

7-16-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#65

Goodbye is Never the End

 

You’re so all over the place

Like your mind is off in space

Your words are so slurred

And your vision seems blurred

You’re stumbling

And mumbling

Saying something under your breath

Are you thinking once again of death?

Wanting to die

Why can you never look me in the eye

Don’t you know I’ll always be in your reach

Even if I can’t understand your speech

I’ll always be close enough to touch

Don’t you know I’ve always cared this much?

Cared so much I almost died

The day you said goodbye

Just left me standing there

Now I wonder if I still care

Care for the one who made me cry

The one who had the guts to say goodbye

 

4-16-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#63

You Need To Be Careful

 

So many nights I spend alone

Wondering if you’re out there getting stoned

Only you say that you quit

And that you won’t take another hit

Not as long as my promise holds true

I’ll keep mine, will you?

Stay clean and you’ll be fine

I’ll think that you still have a spine

That your word is still good

By you, I’ve always stood

Through it all

Even when our backs were against the wall

Together

Forever

That was the plan

But over and over again you ran

Ran away from me and us

You had broken my trust

So many times I can’t say I believe you

I want to, I really do

But so many things have changed

And the lies all staged

All made up to keep others from getting hurt

But now, your answers are becoming curt

I ask if you said what they think you said

Don’t you see, I’m trying to keep you from ending up dead

 

4-10-05

 

To: Anthony Foley

 

© Anzu Ski

#55

It’s Not Just You That’s in Pain

 

What do you do when the impossible happens?

Do you wait and watch while the world blackens?

Try to stop what the inevitably happen tomorrow

Just to spare yourself a little bit of sorrow

Or are you trying to spare just one

But away from you he now runs

So fast you don’t know where to start

To try to fix his possibly broken and bleeding heart

Only this time it was all your choosing

Not another’s doing

You made the call

That having no love at all

Was better than what you had

And now you’re finding that this made you sad

So you had to give up completely, walk away and shut the door

Or you just may have hurt him even more

 

3-29-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#41

In the Last Hour of the Last Day

 

In the last hour of the last day

Do you think you could stay

Without any lies

Do you think you could try

To not hurt me again

I don’t want this to end

Maybe in another life

One not filled with strife

In the last second before death

Would you forget about the rest

Could you think only of me

And how we used to be

How we were happy and alive

All that has decayed and died

Become only a picture inside of my mind

That person long ago fell behind

Lost in the blood and hurt

Buried far beneath the dirt

Only, the face never changed

The thoughts, hopes, fears- all rearranged

If only you could see who I have become

Not just the blood, smoke and the rum

The heart that is under it all

The one that waits to answer the call

But I know now that your feelings have gone

I wonder if what I did was wrong

Was it my fault you acted that way

On that cold snowy winter day

The way you looked when our eyes last met

You look so scared, so full of fret

So heard and torn

Your heart on your sleeve was worn

Broken and bleeding

I can’t explain how I’m feeling

Alone and dead

Like I’m laying on my deathbed

Only I am

I’m lying here and thinking about the man

The one I once knew

The one who showed me what to do
When your heart gets lost

And all your boundaries crossed

All the walls torn down

And your feelings, your hopes- drown

The one who showed you the way

The one you love till this day

Till the last hour

Till you have no more power

Till light grows dim

And all you can see is him

Holding your hand

As you try to make him understand

Try to tell him how you feel

That what you had before was real

But he says hush

You don’t need to hear more, that’s enough

 

3-10-05

 

© Anzu Ski

#9

Did You Know…

 

I can’t breathe without you

You’re always on my mind

I fall asleep thinking about you

You’re the reason life’s worth living

I love you more than anything in the world

You’re the reason I’m safe

I quit so much for you

You’re my baby

I hate being away from you, even for a second

You’re the person that can make me laugh when I want to break down and die

I live for those end of the day hugs and kisses

You’re the person I want to be with

I feel so lost and empty when we fight

You’re the reason I write this

I was so lost and confused before we became us

You’re the other half of me

I need you now more than ever

You’re the way I escape from the rest of this thing they call life

I would die for you

You’re the reason I’m still breathing

I put the knife down for you

You’re why I put down those pills

I stopped for you

You’re m sweetie

I need all of you in my heart

You’re why I didn’t go with Kaylee that day

I don’t want to give you up for anything

You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me

I need to be with you

You’re in my heart

I hope you won’t rip it out and rip it up

You’re my security blanket

I just don’t want to get hurt again

You’re not going to hurt me, are you?

Please don’t hurt me

If you really love me, you won’t hurt me

Do you really love me?

Tell me

 

11-16-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#7

Friends or More?

 

I open my eyes and you’re not there

You were by my side a second ago

I look down the hall and see you

You’re tall, blonde, and one of the two good things on my life anymore

But I haven’t heard the three words that make my world go round

Why are you not letting yourself love me?

Are you afraid of being hurt? Me too.

Why won’t you love me?

I’m the one that gave you your first kiss

I was hoping it would only get better

We’re back where we were before

We’re acting more like friends

I want what we had before the football game back

We acted like we were together

I’m not the only one who thinks we act like friends

I’m not mad, I just want more for us

We almost have two months

I’m up for anything at this point

Come get some!

If the only way to be with you is in my dreams, I want to sleep forever

Just don’t hurt me

 

11-15-04

 

© Anzu Ski

#5

Life Without Us

 

What would life be without you?

Life would be empty and pointless

Without you, I stop breathing

I stop living, trying, caring

Life would crash right in front of me

My world would end

Each time we fight, my heart breaks and I can’t pick up the pieces

The whole thing is never back like it was before

There is always that one shard missing

My soul was like that before I met you

There was this tiny shard missing

A part that is only there when you find someone…

Someone like you

A person that can catch all your tears and get rid of all your fears, make you feel whole again

That special someone that can make almost anything and everything better

But sometimes, you’re part of the problem

Even in the smallest possible way, you’re why I’m crying

Sitting in the dark, thinking things I really shouldn’t be, wanting to die, crying, all because you haven’t said the three words I love t hear on your lips

The lips that haven’t touched mine in what seems like years

Why?

 

11-10-04

 

© Anzu Ski